he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
