How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
