Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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