I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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