You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
