I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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