Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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