If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
my being single is dangerous.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
