Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
