This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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