dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize