Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm so fucking centered right now
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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