I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
