I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
