You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
