Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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