I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
