Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
