My underwear smells like fireworks.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
