We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Are we still banned from the library?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
