Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize