somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
