I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
3 2 1 whiskey
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
