is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
