he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
