Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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