If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
