Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
