I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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