So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
