Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
