Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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