I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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