youre lurking in front of me
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Drunk is not a location!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
