im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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