i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
