So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize