i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
