she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
