I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
