I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
