Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just puked most of my soul out..
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
