farters have to be the big spoon...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
