my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
