They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
