This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
