even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
