He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize