Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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