just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
