it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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