this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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