I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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