I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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