Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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