At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
