I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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