mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize