I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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