Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
