I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
