This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
