I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
