saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
