I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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