I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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