today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
