My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
