So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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