I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
