worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
