My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
