i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just high enough for therapy.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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